Top Encounters With the Male Gender While Online Dating Last Week

Happy New Year!!! I apologize I haven’t provided you entertainment this year as of yet. I hope this post delivers.

Creepy guys are coming out of the woodwork like cockroaches. Fucktard Island is a permanent part of the US and even the aliens are ignoring us now. Don’t mistake the tone of this post – I enjoy sharing the crazy with you all. No idea why I think I’m still gonna find a husband though – my dog must be lacing my yogurt with crack?  Since I’m better at weeding out the guys and my patience is thinner than a piece of paper, I really haven’t had the time to extensively talk to guys I’m not interested in. However – I have compiled some of the most ridiculously heinous (and as always, BLOG-WORTHY) things that were said to me last week, in no particular order.

1. A guy looking old enough to be my grandfather contacted me and wants to get to know me better. I think they left out of his 60/40 training that you are supposed to have A LOT of money and not be completely appalling if you want to be a Sugar Daddy.

2. Three DIFFERENT guys, one ripped with an okay face, the second with a photo of HIS nipple as his profile picture and the third was smoking hot (TRAGIC), all messaged me and asked if I had pretty feet, if I painted my toes and what size they were. No, just NO. Gross.

3. Guy matches with me on bumble and when I reach out to say hello he informs me that he’s already talking to someone he likes on bumble that he enjoys. I cannot even explain to those of you who don’t online date why this is such a blatant lie because his swipe was the MATCHING swipe. It’s such a ridiculous lie in fact that I actually checked my OWN drivers license to make sure that I WAS. NOT. in fact. BORN. YESTERDAY. Just unmatch me – its cool. You only make yourself look like a moron for lying.

4. Another guy contacts me username is CREAM506, he’s easily 500 pounds, and tells me he would like to get to know my inside (nope – not my mind or my soul). Sorry if I made you throw up a little in your own mouth there, but you are just reading about it. Imagine what it feels like to be living it. *SHUTTERS*

5. Username Italicum72 contacts me:

ITALICUM72: Hello, my name is Xxxxx and I would like to make friendship with you. Would you like to meet for coffee?

ME: With a username like that? Absofuckinglutely not.

ITALICUM72: It means Italian in Latin.

ME: It means Italian Law in Latin.  I have google.

ITALICUM72: Read italiac.

ME: Even if it does why would you use that? Apparently you didn’t read my profile. I have no time for BS and someone with the right intentions would just use italian72. *BLOCK*

God, I’m such a bitch. Oh well, just add it to the list of reasons I’m currently going to hell. St. Peter’s running out of paper.  I hope he has at least a 256 GB iPad.

I said it once and I’ll say it again – the only man I’m gonna chase is the ice cream man.



3 thoughts on “Top Encounters With the Male Gender While Online Dating Last Week”

      1. That’s so annoying.. Who’s this guy who gets this pictures and thinks “She’s the one”?? The same with dick pics! Are there actually girls who see this and fall for that?

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