Last week was madness. Due to the holidays, lots of people are contacting me on the dating sites. Holiday time is stressful AF when you are single and it can get lonely without your own squad to do cheesy, fun, festive holiday things. I always get a ton of questions (from random people I barely know), who were invited to the same Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. It usually happens like this (this is what I hear anyway) – “Hey Jen, I haven’t seen you all year. Let me ask you all the questions about your personal life that keep you up at night. Let me make that midlife crisis grow.”
It’s not unusual during this time of year for the traffic on dating sites to increase. However, the message I received last Tuesday on Plenty of Fish was anything but a standard message. You’re intrigued now, aren’t you? You are wondering what it was and if I have the screenshot to share. OF COURSE I DO KIDS! No one would believe these ventures if I didn’t have some form of evidence.
Seriously?! Aren’t there sites specifically for this type of thing? Do I have something written on my forehead that only horny dudes can see? Unlike most people, I can’t just ignore the message due to my lack of interest. That wouldn’t be amusing. And if I have to keep online dating then I should at least have SOME fun, even if it isn’t the type I had in mind. Right? “HELLS YES,” I hear you all agree. Obviously, if you know me or have read any of my other posts you already know what comes next. Nope, it’s not a MFM threesome – I’m gonna poke the bear.
I then proceeded to type the dirtiest sexts I could, with the best key words I know get 99.9% of guys EVERY. DAMN. TIME. I know this because the guys I am friends with are traitors to their gender (THANK YOU). Guys are so naive when it comes to sex. They totally bought that I was completely into them tag teaming me and that I would meet them on Wednesday night. And right when I knew I had them all worked up and ready I sent a text which read, “I think the real question here is, boys, can you handle me?” And then, like magic, I disappeared. Commence evil genius laugh.
And so the adventures on Fucktard Island continue…..never a dull day in online dating.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT (for guys on dating sites): Never trust a girl with a dirty mind, she probably has a blog you don’t know about and you may be the next feature story. (More evil genius laughing.)
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!! (Well, except those two douches)
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