dating, first world problems

So, I’m Dating a Porn Star…

Cuffing season is here, and my online dating is back in full force. I have been on Plenty of Fish for about a month. I actually deleted my profile and then went back (apparently, I like torturing myself). Plenty of Fish is free and I’m just not going to pay to date these jerks anymore. The universe already owes me years of my life back from dating. And quite honestly, this blog isn’t going to write itself….OR IS IT?!

Yesterday, I get an email from a guy who has just moved here from Miami.  Of course I asked him why he moved here, because it’s an easy way to get some of these guys talking.  I’m sure all you ladies have had that experience where you feel like you are pulling teeth to have a conversation?  Yeah, I was; so I asked. I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse ladies, but this shit just writes itself.  Right here in black and white:

star

Hey buddy, its definitely NOT a no go.  I have a blog I’m trying to write and this is just perfect for the next post.

Then he sends me a video of him.  He says it’s very hardcore. It wasn’t and yes, I poked the bear and told him. OF COURSE YOU CAN’T SEE ANY OF HIM BUT ONE PART – yes, THAT part. It’s a POV piece where you only see the girl. He explains he must not have his face in porn so that he can have a “real” job.  I try to get him to talk about something else because he’s boring AF.  Not sure if any of what he is saying is true, but I can’t help but think porn is the only way this guy ever gets laid with this personality. A guy friend of mine is enabling me to meet up with him (of course I will – I only have what’s left of my youth to lose).  He says I should meet him for drinks since he asked.  I went back into my emails this morning to see when he wanted to grab these drinks so I would have more to tell you all.

And….he’s vanished (SHOCKER!), much like my (and every other single woman in America’s) hopes and dreams of ever meeting someone….

jump rope

 

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