TGIF…Traumatized Girl in (almost) Forties

Just when I think I may have started this blog too late, I wake up to something that will haunt my nightmares.

I matched with this guy on Bumble in June.  He lives about 25 miles from me in the suburbs of PA which doesn’t seem far, but all roads lead through the Schuylkill expressway when one of you lives in Philadelphia and it’s always insane! I’m too old to get picky over 25 miles. He seems sweet and we text a bit. There’s even a PHONE CALL. That’s right. Our texting and web browsing devices also make good old-fashioned phone calls! Without the long twisty cord that you can get tangled around! He seems nice enough, but doesn’t ask to meet up or grab drinks for the first week.

About a week later we are texting and he says to me that he has to tell me something in full disclosure. He proceeds to tell me that he has to go to jail for two weeks beginning that upcoming Tuesday for a DUI.  This past year and a half I have been trying (I, too, am a work in progress) this thing where I do not judge people. We all make mistakes. We are all human.  It does occur to me that I have known others who have had DUIs and they never went to jail.  Turns out this is his second offense. Still, not judging.  Continue talking to him and texting with him until he goes to jail. When he gets out two weeks later he texts that night. NBD. At his court appearance he lost his driver’s license for an extended period of time and has an ankle bracelet (so sexy, be jealous ladies.) He texts me that Saturday night saying I have lost interest in him. Here’s a glance at a portion of our exchange:


Good to know YOU are in no rush buddy.  Cause it’s all about you.

I hadn’t heard from him in two weeks, which I am A-OK with because I don’t see this going anywhere. To be honest he just isn’t my type; and I don’t think I’m his either. He thinks women with large tattoos are sexy and I don’t even have any tattoos. And I sure as hell wouldn’t get a large one; if any.

Imagine my surprise this morning when I wake up to 7 text messages from him and 3 of them are pictures of his ass in a bitch strap. No small talk. No, how’s the new job going. Or hey, how have you been? Ladies, it’s such a great time to be alive! The mating rituals of these “men.”

I was beginning to think I had started this blog too late! Thank you my little jailbird friend for both the laugh and the freak show. I only wish I could share the photos so everyone else’s day would be as complete as mine.

#bumble #dating #onlinedating #philadelphiasingles #fucktardisland


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